


then you can start to make it better

by thefluffqueen



Category: Glee
Genre: Drunk!Jesse, F/M, Non-canon future, Unsolved issues, alternate season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-03-30 06:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3925759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefluffqueen/pseuds/thefluffqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So he wants to pretend they've never met before. That's okay with her. Or at least she thinks it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	then you can start to make it better

**Author's Note:**

> Set in a world where Jesse and Rachel never saw each other after season one. The characters you recognize belong to Ryan Murphy, his associates and FOX network. However, the character of Jason Hayden was created by me, inspired on singer Kevin Richardson.

**S** he's on her freshman year in NYU when she meets Jason Hayden. Tall, unshaven, with long, dark hair, and green-blue eyes, Jason is three years older than her, a TA on her Performance 101 and, most likely, the hottest bachelor on campus. Quiet, reserved and observant, rumor has it that, in his almost four years of college, he never slept with any girl.

Rachel's eye is caught right away by him, but something in Jason eerily reminds her of someone she would much rather forget, so she keeps to herself and stays the hell away from him. Her roomate, Denise, doesn't share the same opinion and shamelessly flirts with Jason, always being politely turned down. Denise, a beautiful and well-endowed redhead, has apparently never had to live through rejection and is furious when Jason firmly states he's not interested. In revenge, she spreads the rumor that Jason prefers guys.

It would become a lie she regretted ever saying.

Three months into term, Rachel is sitting on her favorite coffee shop, studying for a test of the subject Jason helps at, when he walks in. He smiles slightly at her in recognition and nods, and she nods back, something in his smile bringing back memories of the one guy she still struggles to forget. Jason goes towards the barista to place his order, and a quick glance around tells her the shop is full. With a resigned sigh, she flips her text book closed and catches his eyes by signaling him over. His smile grows, he nods and, once his drink is ready (a soy latte), takes the seat in front of her.

They spend the next five hours discussing all sorts of things. Only once has Rachel had this sort of unstoppable flow of conversation with someone, but she forces herself not to think of blue-grey eyes, curly black hair and soft pink lips curled in teasing smirks.

Six months later, it's the summer between her freshman and sophomore years, and they're dating. Jason has met her parents, and they're living together in his flat. And, honestly, it's the calmest relationship she has ever had in her life. After being for a year and a half with Finn (time that came to an end on her junior year), and another year falling in love and finding a best friend in Noah (which ended because of the distance between them, Noah being in Florida for college and all), it's nice to be with a guy who respects her drive, her ambition and her dreams, but still helps her become a better person. Jason takes good care of her, and Rachel knows her fathers believe a wedding is in the future, sooner than they all expect.

Still, Jason keeps to himself quite a bit. She knows he was born from his mother's first marriage to a man who died when he was a baby. His mother later remarried and had a son with her new husband. Bith his parents are absent from his life since Jason announced his desire to pursue a career as a musician (he has the utmost respect for Broadway, but acting is not his 'thing'), because his stepfather hoped he would take over the family business. Jason's brother, eighteen months younger than him, is a junior in California.

"My brother is the performer of the family, not me," Jason once told her, his eyes sparkling with pride. "It's kinda ironic that he never wanted to come to New York, especially after his senior year in high school. He claimed it hurt too much. I think it has something to do with the girlfriend he had that year. She was quite the catch, but he fucked it up and she ditched his ass."

Rachel has never met anyone from his family, and she knows Jason likes that. With his brother always busy on summers and breaks with elective classes and auditions, and Rachel doing the same thing and Jason's free time always taken with his gigs (his voice is one of the sexiest she has ever heard -  _she tries hard not to remember **the** sexiest voice she has ever_ _heard_ ), there was never a chance for them to get together.

But his graduation is set to happen this month, and Rachel knows Jason has sent invitations to his missing parents and elusive brother. Said brother has already replied confirming he is coming.

Rachel, meanwhile, has on her finger a promise ring from Jason. "I'm not proposing, Rach. Not yet," he told her with an indulgent smile when faced with her wide, disbelieving eyes the day he offered her the token. "But one day... One day you'll be my family. I promise you."

She said yes, of course, to his ring and to the promise of a future. How could she say anything else?

They're on the airport, waiting for his brother to show up, when she sees  **him** and nearly has a heart attack on the spot.

Jesse St. James.

And, boy, does he look even better, three years later. At almost 21, Jesse is tall, but his body filled out during the time she hasn't seen him, looking slightly larger and more defined. His face has lost some of its child-like features, becoming more masculine. The more things change, however, the more they stay the same. Jesse's hair is still perfectly coiffed, and he's wearing an all black ensemble.

Rachel knows exactly in what moment he catches sight of her, because he comes to a halt, shock flashing on his face as he looks straight at her, and her heart shoots up to her throat, lodging there when she hears Jason's voice calling out, "Yo, Jessie! Over here!"

Her heart sinks as her mind connects the dots her instinct had already connected when she first met Jason. Wryly, she muses the idea of writing a script based on her life, because  **of course** her college boyfriend is the older brother of her high school sweetheart (and first big love of her life).

A cool mask of collectedness replaces the stunned shock on Jesse's face, and she immediately recognizes his showface, shining brighter than ever.  _I'm an actress_ , she thinks, her hand curled in Jason's grasp as she carefully shows an aloof expression of casual interest in her face.  _Showtime_.

* * *

**J** esse feels like being punched on the solar plexus by Puckerman when he catches sight of his older brother, his eyes naturally slide towards Jason's first serious girlfriend ever and he recognizes the wide, shocked doe eyes.

Figures Rachel Berry is the one who tames his quietly womanizing big brother. After all, she had the same effect on him, didn't she?

He freezes on his spot for a moment as he drinks her in. Rachel has changed. She is still beautiful, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, the kind of natural, effortless beauty that made the women in California look like a bunch of overworked, overtanned, overtoned shebots that turn him off other than fire him up. But there is a maturity in her looks, a sadness in her eyes, a wisdom in the curve of her lips that he knows, he instinctively **knows** , he helped put there. She's slimmer - still deliciously, subtly curvaceous, but thinner, her face finer, her cheekbones and eyes more pronounced. Her dress is a simple, flowy white, and her short, wavy hair cascades down her fragile shoulders.

She's the hottest woman he's ever seen in his life.

His eyes are avid, hungry on the sight of her, and Jesse's almost going to her when the deep, well-known voice of his brother rings out. "Yo, Jessie! Over here!"

Attracted by Jason's voice, he looks in that direction. It is then that he notices the small details his amazed brain blocked out at seeing Rachel for the first time in almost three years. Jason's free arm is casually and possessively thrown over Rachel's shoulders, her slender arm wrapped around his brother's waist.

Jesse feels like being punched a second time on the stomach, the final nail being hammered into his coffin, when his eyes zero on Rachel's right hand - or, more precisely, on her right ring finger, where Jason's paternal grandmother's engagement ring shines brightly, the small light pink oval-shaped diamond making a beautiful contrast to Rachel's olive skin and shattering what little Jesse still has remaining of his heart.

His anguished eyes settle on her face, and he sees a flash of...  **something**... in her own eyes before it's hidden behind the brightly blinding and  **false** smile of her showface. Automatically, his own showface slides into place and he casually strolls towards the couple. "Jase, hey," he says as he higs his brother tight, simultaneously stealing small glances at Rachel, who has let go of Jason and her arms crossed in front of her chest. (He's pretty sure Jason hasn't picked up on how Rachel's hands are squeezing her forearms, a gesture Jesse remembers her using to offer herself some sort of comfort).

"Jess," Jason says, grinning as he lets go of his younger brother. "Fuck, man, it's so good to see you. It's been quite a while!" He laughs and wraps an arm around Rachel, hauling her closer. "Jesse, dude, this is Rachel," he introduces with a proud, adoring smile on his face that causes a pang in Jesse's heart. "My girlfriend and, hopefully, future wife."

Rachel smiles meekly at Jason (Jesse sees the discomfort in his eyes and is relieved not to be the only one feeling awkward in this situation) before turning to Jesse. She hesitates for a moment, and he knows he has to take charge of the situation.

"Hi," he smiles, holding his hand out to her. "Nice to meet you. I'm Jason's brother, Jesse."

Rachel seems fleetingly surprised before giving him an almost imperceptible nod and holding out her left hand (he gives a quick prayer of thanks that she's sensible enough not to shake his hands with the one of hers that holds Jason's ring. He doesn't think he'd able to handle it, having to squeeze her hand and feel another man's ring on it). But, when their hands touch, a jolt of electricity rushes the two of them, and she drops his hand like it burns.

"Rachel Berry," she says quietly and then turns to Jason. "Can we go, babe? I'm not feeling well." She's lying through her teeth, and Jesse is surprised when Jason doesn't pick up on it (or pretends not to, perhaps?). Instead, his brother nods and guides them all towards the exit.

_This is going to be one fucking long weekend_ , Jesse thinks as he engages Jason in conversation.

* * *

**S** o Jesse wants to pretend they've never met before. That's okay with her (or, at least, she thinks it is).

It's surely better than the other choice they have, because how does one explain to one's significant other (who has been making clear he plans on marrying one) that, for a short time three years ago, one was madly in love with the significant other's brother?

(Plus, if she's being honest with herself, Rachel can't say with a hundred percent certainty she  **is** over Jesse. That jolt when they touched...)

Once on the subway, Jesse tries to tell Jason he'll hop out on the nearest station to the Waldorf-Astoria, but Jason refuses and drags Jesse to their loft. Jesse protests quite vehemently against it, claiming he doesn't want to invade their privacy, but Jason waves his concerns off dismissively and Jesse, almost pouting, gives reluctantly in.

Rachel stays quiet the entire trip, but it goes unnoticed (or so she thinks), because the brothers keep a steady flow of conversation, catching up with their lives. Once they're home, she makes her way to the bedroom she shares with Jason, locks the door behind her and leans against the wood, her eyes closed as she gulps deep, calming breaths in.

After a while, she notices the way her hands shake violently and blinds searches for her phone in her purse. Having found the gadget, she presses a button on her speed dial. "C'mon, pick up, pick up, pick up..." She mumbles anxiously, going to the bed.

" _Berry, this better be good, I was busy_ -"

"Jason is Jesse's brother," she announces and, on the other end of the line, Noah Aaron Puckerman is stunned silent.

" _Jesse? As in St. Jerk?_ " She hears the muffled voice of Noah's companion and on-again-off-again bed partner, but doesn't understand the words. " _Yo, Satan, chill out - I'm_ **talking** _, damn it-_ "

" _What is it about St. Bitch, Berry?_ Calmate _,_ **Noelle** _, I'm putting B on speakerphone!"_

Rachel chuckles at their bantering. Being summer, Noah's on the city until classes resume in September and, with Santana once again being bisexual after breaking up with Layla, her first serious girlfriend since the Brittany fiasco in junior and senior year, the former lovers have fallen back in bed together. "Jesse is Jason's brother," she repeats and hears Santana gasp.

"Mierda," the Latina breathes. " _C'mon, Puckerman, go put some clothes on. We're going over to Berry. B, just hold tight and-_ "

"Rachel?" Jason's voice comes from the other side of the door, startling the brunette into almost dropping her phone.

"Y-yeah?" 

"You okay in there, babe? It's been some time."

"Y-yeah, I'm cool!" She calls back.

"Alright then. Jesse and I are ordering Chinese and I'll pop a wine bottle open. You wanna call Puckerman and Lopez over?"

"Sure, I'm on the phone with San right now, I'll tell them to come," she says and hears the rustle of Santana moving and getting dressed while hurrying Noah up.

" _B, babe, just hold tight in there, right? We're on our way. No, Puckerman, you can't kick the bastard's ass once we get there!"_

Laughing quietly, Rachel ends the call and paddles towards the joint bathroom, turning the tap on to splash some water on her face.  _You can do this, Rachel. You're an actress. Think of this as an acting exercise._

A bitter smile curls her lips as she recalls how she heard the Vocal Adrenaline members mocking her about being Jesse's personal exercise.  _Karma is certainly a bitch_.

* * *

**J** esse takes the time that Jason goes after Rachel to chill his frazzled nerves. His eyes wander to the pictures neatly lined on the mantelpiece, snapshots of moments from Rachel's six-month relationship with his brother. There's always a smile on her face in these pictures, but they never reach her eyes. Sometimes, in some pictures he knows Jason has taken without her noticing, there's a shadow of sadness in her dark pools, a deep loneliness that is an eerie reminder of the girl he met all those years ago in Ohio.

He picks up a picture of her to examine more closely. It's a black and white shot of Rachel in a beautiful, long and fluid white dress, her hair down her back. She's staring absently out of a window. Sunlight frames her beautifully, giving her a halo-like whiteish golden glow. His fingers slide over her figure as he muses. Deep in his contemplation, he's startled by Jason's deep voice, full of pride. "Beautiful, right? I took it myself when we started dating."

"Yeah, she's gorgeous," Jesse says, distracted, missing the quick, speculative frown that mars Jason's handsome face. The older brother opens his mouth, but then the bell rings and Rachel comes out of their bedroom, rushing past them to open the front door.

Jesse is surprised when Rachel comes back from the hall squished between no one other than Santana Lopez and Noah Puckerman.  _What the fuck_ , both brothers think, but for different reasons; Jesse in shock, Jason in surprise at the anger flashing in Puckerman's face. It's a deep, unforgiving rage, an emotion both had never seen in Rachel's friend.

"Noah, Santana, this is... Jesse St. James, Jason's younger brother," Rachel makes the introduction, and the slight glitch on her voice makes Jason frown. Is that...  **nervousness**... in Rachel's usually smooth tone? Rachel is  **never** nervous when meeting new people, a trait she picked up from coming to New York after graduation if Puckerman and Santana are to be believed. "Jesse, these are my best friends, Noah Puckerman and Santana Lopez."

Jason settles against the kitchen's counter, watching as Jesse shakes Puck's hand (he registers the tiny glances of concern the two women shoot at Puck) and smiles charmingly at Santana before kissing her hand (the Latina doesn't look impressed). Awkwardness fills the air; Rachel is fidgeting, fluttering back and forth anxiously as she sets the table for her dinner. Santana silently tells Puck to help her and, with a little grumbling (nothing unusual), he complies. Santana settles down on the plush couch and turns to Jesse. "So,  **you** 're Jason's missing baby brother, uh?" She says, coolly, and Jesse is almost relieved to see her bitchy persona pop up - proof that, maybe, just maybe, some things haven't changed. "You remind me of someone. Have we met before?"

"No, I don't thing we have," Jesse says coldly, his eyes flashing in warning. Rachel and he have a literally unspoken agreement not to mention their shared history to Jason in order to protect him, and he wants to keep it that way (not only to protect his brother, but also to allow Rachel to keep the happiness she has found with Jason).

But he really should have known better than to believe Santana would let sleeping dogs lie (she and Rachel are similar in that aspect). She snaps her fingers and exclaims, "Of course! You're Carmel's show choir's lead! What was their name? Oral Adrenaline? Shot of Epinephrine? Vocal Intensity?"

Offended, Jesse narrows his eyes at her and mumbles, "Vocal Adrenaline!"

Santana shakes a finger at him with a satisfied smile. "That's it! We faced off against you guys in, I don't know, 2010, I guess. You guys only won because Rachel's focus - she was our lead - was somewhere else." The lightness leaves Santana's voice and she looks straight into Jesse's eyes when she says, "The fucking  **hijo de puta** she was dating at the time turned her into a living, breathing, walking omelette. She was a vegan back then. It took her months to recover, at least otwards. Honestly, I think she only truly healed once she met Jason." She smiles affectionately at his brother, and Jesse flinches as he remembers that specific devastating event that marked the end of their blissful relationship.

_"Do it. Break it like you broke my heart_ _," she said, eyes flashing with vulnerability in a plea for him not to do that to her; but her voice remained firm, steady, unwavering._

_"I loved you," he mumbled in response, lying through his teeth as for the tense of the verb before slamming the egg in her forehead._

"I need some water," Jesse mumbles, agitation festering in his soul (damn it to all hell the moment he decided to be a good brother and attend Jason's graduation) as he stands up and makes his way to the kitchen.

Inside, he hears Puck's quiet voice humming quietly ( _Sweet Caroline_ , he recognizes, and seethes in silent jealousy as he remembers when Rachel told him of a time where Puck serenaded her with the Neil Diamond hit), meshed with Rachel's labored breathing. He gently knocks on the doorframe, and Rachel looks away as Puck looks up, frowning. "I just need some water," he explains, and Puck tilts his head towards the fridge.

"Noah?" Rachel says after a moment, while Jesse quickly chugs some water. After a while, he hears the heavy sound of footsteps leaving the room. Closing the fridge, he leans against it, his eyes tracing the contours of Rachel's face.

"So..." He says, cautiously, heart hammering into his chest. " **You** are my brother's famous manna from heaven."

"It looks like," Rachel replies; her voice is icy. "God knows if I were aware he was your brother I would've stayed the hell away. My track record with this family isn't the best as you know quite well."

Jesse flinches and closes his eyes, the jab hitting its target perfectly. "Jason isn't like me, Rachel," he whispers. "He won't hurt you."

"Yeah, well, forgive me for not buying that." Rachel stands up and is about to leave the now seemingly claustrophobic room back to the relative safety of the living room when Jesse softly wraps his fingers around her frail waist.

"Rachel... Can you ever let go of that one day?" He asks her quietly, his eyes pleading.

The former New Directions lead takes a deep breath and turns to him, staring pointedly at his fingers on her skin. Her eyes are so cold, they make him flinch, and he lets go of her, silently begging her for an answer, a hope, anything.

"Do you remember what I told you when we met at the stage in Carmel?" Rachel says slowly, mindful of the chance of Jason walking in on the two of them and making questions she doesn't want to answer. Not yet.

(The pint-sized brunette tries to convince herself that there is a 'yet' on the end of that sentence. She tries to ignore that teeny, tiny voice in her head that asks her if she even  **has** the answers).

Jesse closes his eyes, his mind flashing back to that fateful day she just mentioned.

_"I have to ask you something, and I need you to tell me the truth, otherwise there will be consequences - life and death consequences. Because, if I give myself to you and it turns out you're just playing me, I might die. Okay, not literally, but emotionally. It will be the kind of heartbreak that girls like me hold for the rest of their lives. Like Barbra, in_ The Way They Were _," a teenage Rachel says, almost desperately, making Jesse chuckle slightly at her drama queen antics._

"Yes," he answers.

"Well, then now you know I always do as I say." Rachel hears the doorbell ring and leaves the kitchen, meeting Jason halfway through the hall.

Jesse stays behind, cursing, as usual, the day he went along with the Vocal Adrenaline goons.

* * *

**T** he next day, it's Jason's graduation, and a proud Rachel and Jesse stand side by side, giving the performance of their lives as they act nonchalantly towards each other, talking only when it's extremely necessary and unavoidable. Jonathan and Claire Hayden-St. James call in from Paris and congratulate their oldest son, telling him to take his friends on a night out in the city, courtesy of them. Jason then decides to make that happen the next day, a Saturday, and on Friday night the graduate takes Jesse, Rachel, Santana, Puck and a few selected friends (Rachel's former roomate Denise included, and she sets her sights on Jesse, making Rachel's insides clench with jealousy) to dinner.

Wine is passed abundantly around, and the guests sip it like water, Jesse especially, since he has to watch The Jason and Rachel Love Show from the front row. Jason and Rachel are acting like happy newlyweds in their fucking wedding reception, and it makes him both sick to his stomach and disgusted with himself (he feels like such a shitty brother, because he wants Rachel to look at  **him** with the adoring eyes she looks at his brother).

By the time the night draws to a close, Jesse is more than drunk and Rachel is nearly insane with anxiety and jealousy, for Denise has been kissing Jesse's neck for the last fifteen minutes, and Jesse has yet to shove her away. Puck and Santana are increasingly worried that Rachel's shared past with Jesse will no longer remain where it should be, in the past. And Jason, unaware to all of this, sees with growing embarassment as Jesse's hand slides higher and higher up Denise's thigh, deciding to put a stop to that before Jesse shames himself.

"I guess we can call it a night, uh?" He says loudly, frowning at the relief that fleets through Rachel's face. Letting that slide for now, he turns to Denise with a winsome smile. "Sorry, Denise, but I have to put my little brother to bed now."

Denise, as intoxicated as Jesse is, giggles drunkenly. "Oh, don't worry. I can take Jesse home and tuck him in... me." She laughs loudly, and the few sober ones (Rachel among them) look away, uncomfortable. Jesse grins, and Jason doesn't know what to do (being the older brother  **sucks** sometimes) when Rachel steps in.

"Jess," she pleads quietly, so exhausted that his old nickname slipping of her tongue goes unnoticed by her, but not by Jason. "Let's go home, okay? It's a long day."

A transformation operates in Jesse in front of Jason's eyes. Looking dutifully chastened, he slips his hand out from under Denise's skirt (Rachel sees this and feels her heart shatter inside her chest) and disentagles himself from the redhead's arms (and, if looks could kill, Rachel would be a hard, cold body at that moment). He smiles adorably up at Jason, who looks gratefully at Rachel before hauling his drunk brother up. Denise is glaring murderously at Rachel, but Santana intervenes and, in no-nonsense terms, orders the redhead out and home.

Jesse, Jason and Rachel all pile in a cab, with Jason on the front seat and Rachel and Jesse sitting on the back. Visibly out of his sane mind, Jesse is looking adoringly at Rachel, something that amuses Jason, for he never thought his baby brother would be the rare, childish type of drunk guy.

"You're beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeautiful!" Jesse proclaims loudly, sounding like a little boy, and Rachel blushes bright red while Jason guffaws in amusement. "You always were. I lied, you know? Your rendition of  _Don't Rain On My Parade_ was never flawed. It was perfect. Just like you," he states, and Rachel is frozen, both in shock and fear.

The cab mercifully comes to a screeching halt in front of their building, and Rachel shoots out of it like she has the devil hot in her heels, hurrying up to the apartment. After paying, Jason, with the sinking feeling that Jesse is also the babbling type of drunk dude, helps his brother out and up home. When they arrive, Rachel is seemingly asleep (Jason checks in on her after putting Jesse under the shower); the older brother helps the younger one into dry clothes and tucks him in.

Jesse stays quiet the entire time, only speaking when Jason is about to bid him goodnight. "You take care of my Rach, okay? I had my chance with her, but I fucked it up and now, no matter how much I love her, she'll never be mine. But you... You'll be great for her. I can tell. And Rachel Hayden sounds as good as Rachel St. James. I guess."

After that, Jesse passes out and leaves a stunned Jason behind.

(Unknowingly to both guys, Rachel has heard everything and has her face awash with tears. She quietly sneaks back to the bedroom she shares with Jason and pretends to be asleep when he comes to bed).

The Hayden heir sleeps when the new day is almost rising, after a night spent twisting and turning thanks to tumultuous thoughts. His girlfriend, however, is wide awake, sitting on the cool, tiled floor of their balcony, her back against the icy glass door, watching as the sun rises and the city wakes up to a new day. Thinking back on the last days, she can't help but wonder how her organized and safe routine with a loving boyfriend went downhill so fast that it left her reeling. Her quiet little life with Jason was perfect, until Jesse stepped back into their lives, bringing with him the past she desperately wants to forget, and the feelings she has tried so hard to get over. But every time her eyes find him, she's smacked silly with the conscience that her heart races and she's left feeling like the awestruck teenager she was when they first met.

"Hey." A soft, deep voice startles her out of her reverie, and she looks up, meeting Jesse's blue- grey eyes. Settling down on the floor next to her, his back pressing against the cool glass door, he looks out at the horizon and says quietly, "You're up early."

"You've hinted at our past last night," she replies instead, and he flinches.

"Yeah, I remember. Look, I'm really sorry, Rachel. I'll come up with something to tell my brother, I promise."

"Don't," she replies, surprising him and, deep down, even herself. "There's no need. I... I can't keep hiding my past from him, Jesse, like it's some shameful secret that has to stay covered. It feels wrong. You're his brother, and Jason has made more than clear that he wants to marry me. And... I want that too. And as long as we're both in Jason's life, we'll run into each other. So, he has to know the truth, about how we dated when we were kids, and about how a part of me will always feel irrevocably broken because of you."

Rachel stands up, and her voice is heavy with sadness when she speaks again, "I loved you, you know? Everything I want with Jason now, everything I do with Jason now, I wanted with you first, and wanted to do with you, first. This was supposed to be our life, Jesse. After you left, I spent eighteen months trying to convince myself I didn't love you, looking the other way when Finn screwed up, telling myself he was what I wanted. And then, after it became too much, I spent a year trying to move on with Noah. Thankfully my mistake didn't cost me his friendship. It was only with Jason that I managed to find some inner peace." She makes a pause, then adds, "I love him, Jesse."

"I know." Jesse's voice is rough; his eyes, brimming with tears. "I'm really sorry, Rachel."

Rachel smiles wryly, humorlessly. "Saying sorry doesn't fix anything at this moment, does it?" She then goes in, straight to the bathroom.

Unseen by the former couple, Jason is sitting on the kitchen, his heart broken over everything he has just learned.

A long, despairing hour later, his mind is made.

* * *

**R** achel knows something is up with Jason the minute she lays eyes on him and sees bags underneath his beautiful green pools. The usual sparkle in his eyes has dimmed some, and she looks around discretely. Jesse is in his bedroom, doing only God knows what, and Jason is busy with breakfast, cutting fruit for her cereal bowl; taking the rare alone time, she wraps her arms around her boyfriend's waist from behind and presses a tender kiss to his cotton covered back. "Is there something wrong, babe?" She asks quietly, feeling him stiffen slightly when her body presses lovingly against his.

"No, Rach," he says quietly, his eyes closing as he enjoys the feeling of her body against his. "Just tired. It was a long night, followed by an early morning, you know? And today it'll be another long, tiring night, followed by another early morning tomorrow since Jesse leaves on the first flight." Jason feels Rachel nodding against his back, unaware of the pain that flashes in her eyes, tearing a new wound into her heart.

"Why don't we call the party off, Jas?" Rachel offers, rubbing soothing circles over his covered abs. "Let's have a quiet night in. You, your brother, Noah, Santana and I."

"Nah." Jason says shrugging. "Let's go out, have some parents-paid fun. It'll be my last night out partying as a college guy." He smiles weakly at her giggle.

"You graduated yesterday," she teases.

"I won't tell if you don't," he replies, and she laughs, standing on her toes to kiss his cheek. With a last squeeze on his abs, she leaves the kitchen, and Jason lets out a broken sigh, closing his eyes as he tries to calm his racing heart down.  _I have to do this_ , he repeats mentally.  _It's the best for her. And it's the best for him._

The day moves slowly on, and Rachel can't shake the feeling that there is something wrong with her boyfriend. Jason seems quiet, withdrawn, holding, touching and kissing her with a fervor that frightens her, like it'll be the last time he'll do those things. She tries to pressure him, but he always looks cryptically at her and tells her it's just her imagination. Even Jesse notices there's something off with his brother and discretely tries to pry some info out of Jason, but to no avail.

(He would try and talk to Rachel about it, but she avoids him like the plague and he doesn't want to cause her more problems than he already has).

Night falls and Jason, Rachel and Jesse go to a karaoke bar with some other friends, Puck, Santana and Denise included. To Rachel's and everyone else's deep shock and dismay, Jason showers Denise with attention the entire night, leaving his confused girlfriend to fend for herself and making Rachel's former girlfriend smirk presumptuously.

"Hey," Jesse whispers to Rachel as Jason and Denise talk (read, flirt shamelessly), "you wanna sing something?"

Rachel nods, apparently lost (not surprising considering  **who** Jason is hitting on). Jesse reaches out and puts his hand over hers, patting it gently. "Hey. Don't worry, okay? Jase was always a life-of-the-party type of guy. Denise is here alone, being a numberless wheel. He's only being nice to her."

Rachel nods once again and shifts her hand so she can squeeze his with a small and grateful smile. "Thank you," she mumbles as she slips her hand off from his and begins to flip through the song catalogue. Jesse leans forward, peeking at it over her shoulder and piping in every now and then with suggestions and commentary. Slowly, the former pair begins to really talk, falling into the easy conversation that always happened back when they were together.

Unnoticed by his brother and girlfriend, Jason watches as Rachel talks and laughs with Jesse, his heart breaking and resolve firming. Lost in his thoughts, he doesn't hear the scrape of metal against the wooden floor, the thud of someone plopping on the chair next to his. "What the fuck you think you're doing?" Puck's voice startles him out of his reverie, but Jason doesn't look away from his chatty girlfriend.

"She never looked this happy with me," he says quietly, knowing his friend has heard it when Puck sighs and mumbles an expletive.

"You know about them," the younger man states needlessly, and Jason shrugs. "Jas, that was a long time ago, man. She was - they were -  **we** were just kids."

"Puck... I know my brother. His relationship with Rachel was never a fling to him. Rachel wasn't a nameless little girl he fucked up for the sake of being the best. When they broke up, he flew in to see me, you know? It was the last time I saw him. For the first time in his life, Jesse was  **heartbroken**. He kept saying he had been stupid, dumb, immature and a coward."

"Well, he was," Puck agrees. "It wasn't easy for Rachel either. I was the one who found her..." He falls quiet as he ponders how to phrase it. "Who found her after  **it** , and she was a mess. At the time I could've killed him for it." He lets this settle, then carries on. "But she is finally okay, Jas. Because of  **you**. Does it matter that for a little while a long time ago she used to be your brother's girlfriend?"

"No. It doesn't mean that Jesse had her heart first," Jason whispers, and Puck smiles and stands up, clapping a hand on his shoulder in wordless approval before joining Santana on the dancefloor.

_It matters that they still have each other's hearts though._

* * *

**R** achel and Jesse finally take a breather from their deep discussion about the work of one Bernadette Peters, when the pint-sized diva looks around and doesn't see Jason anywhere. Noah and Santana are grinding together with a second girl on the dancefloor (the girl has her front pressed to Santana's, and Noah's front pressed to her back). Denise is also missing, and several of their friends can be seen scattered around the packed club. "Jesse, excuse me, but I have to go to the facilities," she whispers, and he nods and smiles.

"I'll go with you. You're too pretty to wander around out there alone, and it's late enough for guys to be drunk and try to do something against your will. That is, unless you have your rape whistle with you," he adds, teasing, and she blushes slightly as the memory of the last time she threatened to use one against him explodes in her brain.

_"Who is there?" A beautiful and anxious sixteen-year-old calls out, blindingly clutching at her purse. "I carry a rape whistle!" She states towards the bright white light, hearing a throaty chuckle come from somewhere near the spotlight._

_"Just me."_

"No rape whistle," Rachel replies, standing up and smoothing the back of her little black dress' skirt. "Just a kickass hell," she adds as she smilingly lifts a foot to show him the dangerous-looking high heeled sandals Santana convinced her to buy despite them being higher than she's used to wear.

"You know, you seem very comfortable and at ease wearing sexy clothes-" He's saying as they approach the hall that leads to the male and female restrooms, when Rachel freezes and he runs straight into her. She's staring at a spot in the smidarkness, her eyes wide and shocked, slowly filling up with tears. Alarmed, he looks in that same direction-

-and his heart nearly stops.

Boxed between Denise and a wall, there is Jason, passionately making out with the curvaceous redhead without a care in the world, his fingers tangled in her burgundy locks and her hands shoved deep into the front of his pants.

"Fuck, Jason," Jesse whispers, wrapping an arm around Rachel's stiff shoulders and leading her away. His blood is boiling with anger, rightfully furious at his brother for doing  **this** to Rachel, for humiliating this in such a way. When they're close enough to the dancefloor to be seen, he feels Puck's and Santana's eyes on them and, as soon as they're outside, her two friends are there, Santana carrying Rachel's black leather coat and purse.

"What happened?" Santana asks, concerned, as she recognizes the glassy, stunned look in Rachel's eyes and drapes her coat over her shoulders.

"Let's go to your apartment, and I'll tell you guys everything," Jesse decides as he flags down a cab. The foursome piles into the first one that stops for them and, five minutes into the ride to Santana's flat, Rachel's quiet sobs fill the air. She sightlessly clutches to his shirt, her tears soaking up his chest.

* * *

**R** achel feels like she's unable to see anything but Jason's lips on Denise's, hear anything but the thunder of her blood in her ears and feel anything but her heart shattering.

Cheated upon... Again.

Rachel loses focus of time and moment. She barely feels an arm around her shoulders, carrying her outside, but in her eyes all she has is the image, forever carved in her memory, of the man she was planning to marry making out with the girl who used to badmouth him and mistreat her, kissing her passionately, the two bodies pressed together. She distantly hears Noah's and Santana's voices, feeling the slightly chilly night air licking at her skin before someone - San, perhaps - wraps a coat around her.

Then, they're moving, to a car perhaps, and it all comes crashing down on her.

Jason Phillip Hayden, the man she was all but engaged to, has just cheated on her.

Tears bubble up in her eyes, and her fingers curl around a warm, soft shirt. The person wearing it - a man - hughs her tightly, and she sinks into him, her tears washing away the thick layer of makeup and wetting the fabric. She breathes in a lungful of expensive masculine cologne, and wonders what it is that she lacks and makes all of her boyfriends choose something - actually, someone - else over her.

They arrive at Santana's place, and Jesse carries her upstairs - Rachel is still too busy crying her eyes out. He lays her on Santana's queen-sized bed, and the Latina comes to keep her company, curling up next to her. Rachel puts her face on Santana's shoulder and cries.

Standing on the doorway and watching as the girl he knows since they were babies struggles with dealing with yet another heartbreak, Puck turns to Jesse and declares, "It's all your fucking fault, again, but I'm going to kill him first."

Jesse's eyes widen, completely baffled by Puck's words. "How was it my fault? It wasn't me who cheated on her!"

"You stupid ass. Jason knows. Don't ask me how, but he knows about your past with Rach. But he told me it didn't matter when I confronted him about it. I wonder what changed his mind..." The former left tackle then shrugs. "Never mind. Doesn't matter. Gonna kick his sorry ass anyway. Stupid son of a bitch," he mutters as he walks away, Jesse being left dumbfounded behind him.

Jesse's mind is reeling from the bomb Puck has just dropped him. So... Jason knows, somehow figured out, about his past relationship with Rachel, and that led him to cheating on her? It doesn't make any sense! "What the fuck was he  **thinking**?" Jesse explodes as he marches towards the front door, leaving Rachel in the more than competent hands of Santana.

The two young men make the journey to Jason's apartment in silence.  Jesse's anger increases as he remembers Rachel's happiness at the beginning of the night, before everything happened, before  **Jason** threw it all away, and how utterly she shattered in front of his eyes when they caught his brother with Denise. "I want to talk to him, first," he mumbles to Puck, who snorts, but nods in agreement.

Once they arrive at the apartment, the door is unlocked, and Jason himself is sitting on the couch, in the dark, drunk out of his ass, a bottle of José pending from his fingers. Puckerman looks ready to commit murder when Jesse holds him back, eyes dark as he realizes his brother is  **grieving**  the end of his relationship.

"Let me," he says and walks in the room, plopping on the couch next the intoxicated Jason. Silence reigns between the brothers for a moment, until Jesse breaks it. "You're one big son of a bitch, you know?" He casually says, stretching his legs out in front of him and propping his feet on the center table.

Jason snorts and lifts the half-empty bottle to his lips, saying derisively, "Pot, meet kettle." There's a pause, and then he adds, "At least  **I** didn't egg her."

"You're right. You didn't. What you did was worse than that. You healed her heart, only to break it all over again." They fall silent again. "Puckerman here wants to kill you. As do I. What the hell, Jase? I thought you loved her."

Jason throws his bottle on the floor, the glass shattering loudly in the quiet of the apartment and liquid spilling all over their mother's expensive Persian rug. "Never, do you hear me,  **never** question my feelings for Rachel. I love her more than  **you** do, did and ever will. That's why I did what I did. I gave her back to you, because you'll make her happy, truly, deeply, completely happy." Jason stands up and wobbles towards the bedroom, his back turned to his brother. "Please go away."

Jesse is quiet for a moment, his emotions too wild to be expressed in words. Jason, with eyes closed and breathing heavily, hears the younger one stand up, his footsteps pressing into the spilled tequila and crushing the shards of glass. Then there's the sound of the door opening, and Jesse stops.

"Trust me, tonight you proved to me that you do  **not** love Rachel more than I do. You broke her heart thinking it would send her running back into my arms. And I? I made a conscious decision to not shatter the happiness she had found with **you** , to let **you** have her because her being happy would make me happy. Because to me her happiness means more than my own."

Jesse quietly tugs the door closed, and the sound of it clicking into place echoes in the empty apartment like a parting shot. Jason is left alone, his fists clenched at what he sees as his brother being an ungrateful bastard and his body shivering with pain and doubt and regret. Listening to the distant sound of the elevator bell ringing, he slams his fist into the nearest wall. "FUCK!" He roars.

And tears begin to stream down his face.

Meanwhile, Puck and Jesse are making their way back to Santana's building. Jason and his stupid actions leave the former VA lead as soon as they step into the elevator, his thoughts now taken with the shattered young girl that waits for them in the Latina's apartment. He was genuine in what he told his brother a few minutes back. Rachel's happiness and well-being mean more to him than his own.

As they approach Santana's building, Jesse asks quietly, "You think Lopez will mind if I crash here tonight?"

"I don't think so. If I know Rach, she told San to call Hummel and Blaine up to bring the vegan ice cream shit she likes, plus their usual post-breakup chick flicks. They'll eat crappy frozen soy, watch a handful of lame movies and bitch Jason - and you too - out. As long as you don't mind checking Sportscenter with me, you're welcome to stay."

Jesse shrugs in agreement, and the two guys fall quiet for a moment. Before they reach the apartment, Puck lays a hand on the St. James heir's shoulder. "Listen, dude. Hurt her again and I'll let Satan kill you. I fucking swear."

"What in the world are you talking about?" Jesse asks, sincerely baffled by the unexpectedness of the question. Puck rolls his eyes and snorts in disbelief.

"You're gonna make your showtune-loving moves on my B. That's cool, man. Just be prepared to pay if you hurt her."

"She just broke up with my  **brother** ," Jesse says slowly.

"Yeah, so? That doesn't mean you're not gonna sweep in and play hero to her heartbroken damsel in distress. Stop lying, St. James. We both know B still has her balls in her dainty little hands. You're head over ass in love with her. Believe me, I know the feeling."

Jesse freezes immediately and turns to stare at Puck, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Why don't  **you** go pick her pieces up then?" He involuntarily snaps, his voice holding only a trace of irritation and unspoken jealousy.

"No offense, man, but I've played third fiddle to Berry for quite some time a year or so back. And while I'm sure I could make her fall for me if I really put the effort, I've learnt the hard way not to go after girls who aren't interested in me that way. You're it for her. Have been since she was sixteen. Go on and get her."

Jesse owlishly blinks at the guy in front of him. "Have you just quoted  _Hey Jude_?"

"So? Macca is badass," Puck replies easily, smirking as he taps the password to unlock the building's front door. A short elevator ride later, they're in the apartment, the muffled sounds of a movie coming from Santana's closed bedroom door. The low male voices whispering within make Puck roll his eyes at their predictability; he marches to the kitchen, picks a beer from the fridge and offers it wordlessly to Jesse, who waves it off. Puck shrugs, lifts the bottle to his lips and, after drinking a more than healthy chug of the cold liquid, sighs. "Go," he orders, pointing towards the darkened hall.

The strains of an old Celine Dion ballad (probably her most famous song) comes from the bedroom, the sound growing stronger as Jesse approaches the closed door. The quiet sounds of Rachel's sobs ring from behind the thick wood, mixed with the rhythmic lilt of Santana's voice whispering sweet nothings in Spanish. There's also a voice he recognizes as being Kurt's, and a third one that he doesn't know (it must be that Blaine that he doesn't know). Knocking gently, he says, "It's Jesse."

A flurry of movement comes from inside the room, and Santana appears on the doorway, her fingers curling tightly around his bicep as she drags him down the hall, towards the kitchen. Light pours out of the door she left cracked open; as they pass, Puck smirks and shakes his head before focusing back on the TV.

"Listen, St. Douche, B is pretty messed up because of that  **maricón** you call brother, so if you're planning on fucking her then leaving, you better stay the fuck away!" She hisses, her dark eyes flashing in warning.

Jesse sighs and runs his fingers through his now messy curls. "I love her, Lopez. Okay? I love her. I have since I was eighteen. I was young, stupid and downright freaked out when that happened. So sue me. You never fucked things up with the one you loved when you were younger?" He asks, knowing he has hit a nerve when her eyes cloud up and she lets go of him like he burns her. Jesse nods at her and then goes back to the bedroom where Rachel's holed into.

Kurt and a tall, dark-haired guy pass him by. Kurt nods once before going to the living room; his companion looks at Jesse curiously before following Kurt. Taking a deep breath, Jesse raps his fingers once against the door; Rachel's rough voice allows him to come in and he pushes it open.

"Hey..." He says quietly, sliding into the bed next to her. He wraps an arm around her body and pulls her close. The bedroom is now dark; the only light comes from the TV. "I'm so sorry, Rach," he breathes against her hair, her fingers clutching at his shirt. Silence falls over them, not heavy and uncomfortably but familiar and easy. He begins humming in tune with the song that is now ending, and she hums along absently before asking a question that catches him off-guard.

"Why do the men I fall for feel the need to hurt me?" She says quietly, startling him so much he lets go of her, his jaw dropping in shock. At his stunned gaze, she blushes and shrugs before elaborating, "I mean... You made me love you, head, body and soul. Then you left me for Vocal Adrenaline and, if that weren't enough, you egged me. Then there was Finn. And, when I finally think I had it right with Jason - he's your  **brother** , I should have known he would screw me over -, he  **cheats** on me. With Denise, who used to call him gay!"

"Rachel, stop. Finn was a douche, and he never deserved you to begin with. You're better off without him, and that's his loss, really. As for Jason... I can't explain his reasons for doing what he did, because I don't understand them. He's fucking stupid. He's my brother, and I love him, but he's stupid. Fuck, I pretended I didn't know you because I saw you together, and how happy you were-"

A bitter laugh escapes her lips, cutting him off halfway through his developing rant, and she turns into his arms, facing the open window, her back now turned to him. "Happy? Yes, I think most people would think so. I'm an actress, it would be insulting if I couldn't sell basically anything I wanted. But you know what, Jesse Jonathan St. James?" She turns back to him, eyes burning. "I haven't been really happy since the day you walked out of my life taking my mother, my trophy and my heart with you."

Jesse doesn't really know what to say in answer to that, so he lets the silence fall over them. After a few moments, the TV turns off by itself, and darkness envelops them. She begins to hum quietly, and he recognizes the song right away, his heart clenching as he remembers the last time they sang this specific duet. It was one of the last songs they sang together as a couple, one that brings tears to his eyes even now, so many years later, whenever he hears it.

" **Turn around** ," he whispers, knowing that she, like him, is best working her feelings out through music.

" _Every now and then I get a little bit lonely, and you're never coming round_ ," she whispers back, in tune, her chest heaving slightly. Tears splash on his shirt as she turns back to him in his embrace, her fingers splayed on his chest, the warmth of her palm pressing on his cotton-covered skin.

" **Turn around** ," he sings quietly, kissing her forehead tenderly.

" _Every now and then I get a little tired of listening to the sound of my tears_ ," she shivers, and her voice is shaking slightly, so he hugs her a little tighter, rubs his hand up and down her back. He has no idea why she's letting  **him** of all people comfort her, but he's not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. " _Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart_ ," she sings. Her voice is thick with tears, but still beautiful.

In the quietness of the bedroom, Jesse's voice joins Rachel's for a duet for the first time in nearly four years. " _ **There's nothing I can do, total eclipse of the heart.**_ " She sobs in earnest against his chest, and he clings to her tightly, nose diving into her hair and breathing in the scent of her shampoo.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he whispers, his heart breaking for her. She clings tighter to him after the term of endearment escapes his lips, and he allows her to wallow and grieve.

* * *

**T** he next morning, Rachel gives Jesse her key to the apartment, and her ring, and sends him and Noah on their way to pack her stuff from the apartment. She has no idea where she's going to live, since she turned down her fathers' offer to rent her an apartment on Santana's building in order to move with Jason, but, for now, a storage room for her things and Kurt and Blaine's couch for her at night will do.

But she can't live out of a storage room, and eventually Kurt and Blaine will want their couch back, so, after Jesse and Noah go on their mission and she manages to persuade Santana, Kurt and Blaine to go on their planned shopping spree, she sits down with her phone on San's living room and makes the painful call to her fathers.

It isn't easy, just like she knew it wouldn't be. Ever since she started dating Jason, Hiram and Leroy finally let themselves hope for a wedding for their only daughter (something they had given up after her devastating breakup with Jesse), and Jason seemed to be the future husband every man wants for their little girl.

Like expected, Leroy (dad) is pissed and wants to kill Jason (she ends up having to talk him out of flying in), while Hiram (daddy) is stunned silent and has his voice thick with tears when he finally manages to speak again. When she's done, she's shaky, tearing up and seriously considering leaving the city at least for now. But where to?

She works best when she has goals to achieve and pro and cons lists to compare. So that's what she starts working on.

When Noah and Jesse comes back with a suitcase full with clothes and a bag with her personal toiletries, they find her sitting on Santana's kitchen counter, with one of Santana's legal pads in front of her and her phone against her ear. She's talking to dad again, and he is wholeheartedly supportive of her decision to transfer out of NYU. They're discussing her options - she's  **not** going back to Ohio, so Ohio State is out, but then dad mentions UCLA, which had also offered her a full ride, and her eyes find Jesse's.

Los Angeles... It's on the other side of the country, and she already has a somewhat friendly face there, if only for a year. Having to deal with seeing Jesse constantly and the women she's sure he juggles and the dull ache of their past love seems the lesser of two evils right now. And she can come back to the city next year. "That can work," she says and can almost see her dad nodding before offering to make all the calls for her. She gratefully accepts, thanks him and then hangs up. Then she turns to Jesse. "How do you feel about having a roommate?"

Noah's jaw drops to the floor, and Jesse's eyes widen for a moment, both staring disbelievingly at the brunette powerhouse in front of them. Noah's mouth opens and closes soundlessly; then, after a few minutes, a huge smiles nearly cracks Jesse's face into two before he quickly crosses the space between them and wraps his arms around her. He lifts her off the ground and a small squeak of shock escapes her before she giggles quietly and hugs him back.

"You're more than welcome," he whispers.

"You're  **leaving**?" Noah yells as the door opens and San, Kurt and Blaine walk in. The trio freeze in the doorway, and Rachel glares at Noah for a moment before sighing and telling Santana, Kurt and Blaine to drop their purchases on the main bedroom and then come back so she can explain everything. Noah decides to quickly hop in the shower, leaves Rachel alone with Jesse.

The former lead of Vocal Adrenaline takes the opportunity to give back to his ex-girlfriend the ring she had very discretely given him, just before he was about to leave with Puckerman, with a whispered instruction to personally give it back to Jason. She looks up at him in surprise when she sees the piece of jewelry, a question in her chocolate-colored eyes, and he explains quietly, "He came home as we were finishing packing up. I tried to do what you asked, but he refused to have it. He said he had given it to you... as a gift."

Rachel snorts derisively. "Then do me a favor and mail it back to your mother. I do  **not** want the ring, Jesse." She clenches her eyes closed. "It brings back way too many memories that I'd rather forget."

"Rachel..." He tries, hesitantly.

"Jesse," she snaps firmly, "if you don't mail back to your mother, then I'll do it myself. Or throw it away in the Hudson when I leave since your brother doesn't want it. One way or the other, I'm not keeping the damn ring no matter what. Jason should've known better than to cheat on me if he was so keen on me keeping that," she waves dismissively at the ring on his palm, then turns her back on him and goes to Santana's bedroom for a fresh change of clothes.

Sighing (he's more than used to her stubbornness, and honestly, she has a point there), he shoves the ring back into his pocket, deciding to sneak it back into Jason's vault at the bank their parents have an account in.

Three days later, Rachel and Jesse are checked in their flight to LA. Noah, Blaine, Kurt and Santana (the latter two with tears in their eyes) hug her tightly and wish her good luck. Blaine and Puck take the time when Santana are busy smothering Rachel with love to quietly threaten Jesse to sing soprano for the rest of his life if he ever hurts Rachel -  **again** (Kurt has made sure to catch Blaine up on the 'St. Berry love saga'). Rachel cries when Noah wraps her in a last bear hug and presses a sweet and friendly peck to her lips.

"I love you, Berry," he whispers, sincerity in his voice. "You take care, 'kay?"

She sniffles, tear tracks staining her beautiful face as she nods and hugs him tightly in response. "I love you too, Noah. Come see me in the West Coast, okay?" He's nodding when her and Jesse's flight is called to board. More tears fall from her eyes, but she squares her shoulders, latches her arm around Jesse's and waves at her friends, walking past security with her ex's hand delicately pressed on the small of her back.

"Wanna make a bet?" Santana asks casually, her sticky face pressed against Puck's shoulder. Kurt looks speculatively at her and so does Blaine, and the younger guy waves for her to carry on. "How long you think St. James will take to charm his way back into B's heart?"

* * *

**J** esse takes his months.

(Noah wins the pool.)

For the first month, Rachel's a little more than a zombie. She focuses on catching up with the study course, auditioning and getting used to the school. Her position as Jesse's roommate immediately makes her the one the guys want to hook up with and the girls either want to be or want to see gone. She keeps mostly to herself, and the only guy she hangs out with Jesse. Her right is just too broken for her to trust anyone other than herself with it again.

The second month, it gets easier. With a month before classes start, her fathers come to California to check the apartment she shares with Jesse, and then Claire and Jonathan St. James are there and, surprise, surprise, Claire and Rachel's daddy Hiram were best friends when children. For the first time in almost two months, Rachel laughs earnestly as Hiram and Claire remember anecdotes of their childhood.

The two families have dinner together, and the only time Rachel's heart hurts is when Claire discretely approaches her as she's looking out at the sean in the apartment's balcony and apologizes for the pain both her sons have caused her. The older woman is surprised when a soft smile curves Rachel's lips. "No need, Mrs. St. James. Jesse was scared and stupid, and he has apologized to me himself and has more than made up for his mistake by allowing me to live here. As for your other son..."

Rachel makes a pause, looks out at the sea. The slight breeze gently blows her hair into her eyes and she tucks it behind her ear. "Jason is a grown man and made a mistake. Fortunately, he made it  **before** I tied my life to his permanently. I take marriage very seriously, Mrs. St. James. If I had married Jason, and he still had cheated on me, I wouldn't have left. I'd be stuck in a loveless marriage."

Claire is quiet for a moment, and then sighs. "Well, Rachel, if you say so... Even then, I'm still sorry."

"Can you do something for me, please?" Rachel asks and, at Claire's nod, she hurries to Jesse's bedroom, She comes back with a tiny box in her hand, which she gives to Claire. "Jason gave this to me, before everything happened. I don't want it. If it weren't for Jesse, it would be inside the Hudson right now. It belongs to your family. Your first husband's family at least. You should have it. Take it, please."

With a small nod, Claire slips it into her purse, and the two women return to the living room. Jesse quietly approaches Rachel, wrapping an arm around her waist before whispering in her ear, "You okay?"

She nods with a small smile, relaxing easily against the curve of his body. The weight in her shoulders is gone now that she's no longer in possession of a heirloom that isn't rightfully hers.

When Claire, Jonathan, Hiram and Leroy all bid farewell for the night (planning to get together the next morning for breakfast), Claire takes the moment when she has her youngest in her arms to whisper in his ear, "You take good care of this girl, Jess. She'll be fantastic for you."

The ring being gone marks the beginning of Rachel's true recover, three months after her bitter breakup. With classes starting, she begins to open up more, makes new friends. Some of them are guys, even. She's nowhere near ready to date, but Jesse notices tiny changes in her behavior that spark his hopes. Since Rachel moved in, he has kicked all girls to the curb and, having realized that her heart is finally healing, he begins to slowly court her. It's so subtle she doesn't realize it's happening, but it is. Their friendship truly grows during this time. They are, honestly, best friends.

Four months into her being single, a guy in one of Rachel's classes asks her out. By this time, Rachel has come to admit to herself she's still in love with Jesse (who, she believes, still has to make a move on her), so she politely turns the boy down, explaining how she just left a relationship and this made her determined to date the guy she  **knows** is right for her.

Once Jesse finds out about the invitation (he shares a class with the guy's sister), he's furious - and so  **jealous** \- but also worried. However, when Rachel tells him what she told the boy to have him back off, he grows hopeful.  _I wonder...?_ He thinks.

It's a month later, five months after their breakup, that Jason writes an e-mail to Rachel. When she sees it on her inbox, she's at first reluctant to read it, but, for the sake of closure (she knows she needs it in order to truly move on from him and leave their relationship in the past), she overcomes this reluctance.

_**My dearest** **Rachel**_ , it reads.

_**Hopefully you'll see this on your inbox and find it in your heart to read it before deleting it. Hopefully, you'll understand my reasons for doing what I did, and I'll be able to know I've actually made the right choice.** _

_**On the summer between his high school senior year and college freshman year, my brother flew in to visit me. I had never seen him like that before. He was downright devastated by something he had done to a girl he had been dating for some time and had fallen in love with (this girl, I know now, is you). I swear I had never seen Jessie so broken up over a girlfriend. He would take every chance he had to get drunk out of his ass and sing really crappy, emo songs when we went to karaoke. He swore off Queen.** _ _**Lionel Richie's** _ **Hello _was also part of his no-no list. According to him, that song remembered him too much of the love he had stupidly lost._**

**_The night we went clubbing, Jesse in his drunken haze let slip he still loved you. The next morning, when he woke up with quite the hangover, I was in the kitchen and overheard the two of you talking. I knew you had fallen in love, years before, with someone, and I also knew it had taken quite some time for you to truly move on from that love. I had imagined the stupid guy as some son of a bitch who had made you fall for him and then walked away without a second glance back, some heartless bastard whose idiocy to let you go was my gain._ **

**_So, imagine how shocked I was to find out that, actually, this lucky bastard had been my brother. My brother, whose tears over his breakup I had wiped, to whom I had leant an ear when he would drunkenly praise his beautiful, smart, sexy and talented nameless girl. My brother, who I had comforted when he bitterly blamed himself for his earth-shattering breakup. Jesse loved you, Rachel, truly, madly and deeply. You were the first woman he ever loved, and the only one he ever will._ **

**_As I overheard you talking, I detected how much pain you still held within you. I knew then, as I know now, that you still loved him. Oh, you loved me, yes, but you loved him more than you ever loved me. He had laid claim on your heart, and you hadn't moved on from him, not really. Knowing what I knew about him, and about you, I knew then that you and Jesse were still as crazy for each other as you had been when you first dated._ **

**_Who was I to stand in the way of a love so strong that it managed to overcome whatever shit my dumbass brother pulled at you? I had toyed with the idea of pushing you away, but it was hearing to you that morning that cemented my decision. I had to remove myself from your life, and from your heart, whatever tiny bit of it that you had given to me, so you and Jesse could find your way back to each other (because Jesse, being the selfless bastard you made him, wouldn't dare trying to break us up)._ **

**_So that's why I did what I did. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you. I hurt too, you know? But it was for the best. I had to do it the way I did, because you would've fought me to the grave if I tried to be civil about it._ **

**_Give my brother the chance he desperately wants, Rach. He deserves it. He deserves_ you _. Having gone through the pain of losing you once, he'll be good for you and do whatever he can to make you happy, if only you take a chance on him. Know that my mother, my father and I will be very happy to have you in the family. And, in the way off chance Jesse screws up again, you know the song..._ If you change your mind, I'm the first in line _... ;)_**

**_Love,_ **

**_Jason._ **

Rachel has tears in her eyes by the time she's done reading. Six months into their living arrangement, she and Jesse have still to discuss how they felt after their breakup three years ago. It's a relief to know, even from third parties, that it was as hard and painful to Jesse as it was for her.

_A love so strong that it managed to overcome whatever shit my dumbass brother pulled at you..._

She wants to believe Jason. She really does. By now, six months after their breakup, and fully aware that she still loves Jesse as much as she did when she was sixteen, she knows he has made the right call, misguided as it was. By forcing her to leave through making her believe he was in a relationship with Denise, he cleared her path to find her way back to the one she truly loved.

"He had my best interests, and Jesse's, at heart," she muses quietly, fingers gently wiping away the tears that still roll down her face. Squaring her shoulders, she quickly types a response to Jason (two words only:  ** _Thank you_**.) then slams her laptop closed. Knowing Jesse's somewhere in the house, doing God knows what, she marches to the piano. "Jess!" She calls out. "Wanna sing?"

His head pops out of his bedroom door, a grin curving his lips, and he comes to sit next to her with curiosity sparkling in his eyes. "Sure. What will we duet with today, Ms. Berry?" He asks with a falsely pompous voice, and she laughs.

"I think this one should go a cappella," she winks, and starts singing.

_I would give up everything, before I'd separate myself from you_

_After so much suffering, I've finally found the unvarnished truth_

_I was all by myself for the longest time, so cold inside_

_And the hurt from the heartache would not subside_

_I felt like dying, until you saved my life_

Jesse's eyes are wide and surprised as he hears Rachel sing, turning slowly in his seat so he's straddling the bench, his face turned to hers and his eyes glowing. He knows this song (his mother's a sucker for Mariah Carey), but he would have never guessed Rachel knew it so well that she could run it solely relying on her voice.

That girl, his girl, never stops surprising him.

His heart is hammering within his ribcage, because he can't believe she's singing this song - a  **love** song - to him. It's been only six months since she broke up with his brother, and while they've been slowly getting closer, he had no idea she was so ready to start something with him. After their first messy try at a relationship, he had thought she would want to take things slower.

_Thank God I found you, I was lost without you_

_My every wish and every dream somehow became reality_

_When you brought the sunlight completed my whole life_

_I'm overwhelmed with gratitude; my baby, I'm so thankful I've found you._

With a wide smile on his lips - not a grin, not a smirk, but a true and genuine  **smile** \- he takes her hand into his and leads it to his lips, pressing a tender kiss to her nimble fingers. She giggles, blushing adorably, and his heart is about to burst inside his chest when the takes over the song.

**I will give you everything**

**There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do to ensure your happiness**

**I'll cherish every part of you**

**Cause without you by my side I can't survive, don't want to try**

**If you're keeping me warm each and every night, I'll be alright**

**Because I need you in my life**

A small smile curves her lips as her voice joins his. It's been a long time since she felt this...  **alive**... just because of singing. Only Jesse ever made her feel this way, so strong, powerful, talented, beautiful. She knows they now have a real chance here - no secrets, no rivalries, nothing to keep them from having the epic romance Jesse has promised her back when she was sixteen.

**See I was so desolate before you came to me**

_Looking back, I guess we were destined to shine_

_**After the rain to appreciate the gift of what we have** _

_**And I would go through it all over again to be able to feel this way** _

Once the song is over, he smiles and she smiles back. Her fingers entwine with his, squeezing them gently. An overjoyed grin curves his lips, and she mirrors.

In New York, Jason is strumming his guitar and doodling lyrics in a piece of paper when his phone chirps with two Facebook updates. Curious, he slides his own timeline open - and smiles when Rachel's and then Jesse's pages pop into his screen.

**Rachel Berry** _is in a relationship with_ **Jesse St. James**.

**Jesse St. James**   _is in a relationship with_ **Rachel Berry**.


End file.
